I got dumped!

Getting dumped is a pretty awful feeling that I thought generally existed only in the dating world. That's not true as I have found out. My doctor walked in and jokingly said, "So did anyone tell you that I'm dumping you today?" I was caught off guard and hoped that he was actually joking. But alas, he's moving on to bigger and better things in the lung cancer medical world to become a Director in another institution to teach, research, and work on clinical trials. I thought, No! This can't be! I was already missing the bluntness and directness of his approach that grew on me after 3 years, and the comfort and familiarity of seeing him at the hospital. After we hugged, I tried not to cry as we closed off with the status of my PET scan (stable! yah!) and what my next options would be once this treatment stops working. I most likely won't see him again, but I have his contact information. He did encourage us to call if we have any questions and even stated that if there is a clinical trial at his new facility that might be of interest, we can contact him. Maybe it's not the end of the relationship but a change in our relationship.

Flowers for Algernon

I had recently finished the book "Flowers for Algernon" which seems to be a classic school read. It was about a 32 year old man with a below average IQ who had an experiment performed on him to slowly transform him into a highly intellectual being. Unfortunately, the experiment appeared to only work temporarily and he started to lose his vast knowledge.

I had an almost similar experience. One afternoon, I suddenly felt numbness on my right hand and forearm, then the bottom half of my face, then my left hand. I can't remember this ever happening before. I rushed to urgent care, then started feeling dizzy and vomited. The neurologist asked simple questions that I was conscious of, but somehow wasn't able to answer them. All I could think of was Flowers for Algernon.

I was diagnosed with a seizure that most likely resulted from the tumor that was radiated earlier this year. I'm on an anti-seizure drug (Keppra) now indefinitely, but I'm so glad that to have regained my focus.

 

First Wife

As I am aware that my life span is shorter than that of an average person, I think about how the lives of my family and close friends will play out after I'm gone. For example, I wonder how my parents' retirement will be like, how many kids my brother will have, and, of course, if my husband will remarry. I came across this article that really hit home.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/05/my_husbands_other_wife.html

I just don't want my husband to forget me, but I want him to be happy even if it means remarrying. As the first wife, I hope the second will be someone like the author. For now, I'll just keep on creating new memories with him.