My Dilemma

Tarceva didn't work for me. The only thing Tarceva did was give me reptile skin cover with pimples and an inflamed red nose. I started another treatment (alimta and avastin). I still have nausea, but it has been much kinder to me. As part of my treatment regimen, I take steroids the day before, the day of, and the day after treatment to keep my nausea mostly under control. Steroids also give me more energy to do things that would normally take a bit more effort. Unfortunately, all this energy keeps me up at night despite taking sleep aids.

So my dilemma is whether to take the steroids to keep the nausea at bay, or to forgo the steroids and deal with nausea everyday for over a week, but get good sleep. I flip back and forth for each treatment. I decided to take it this week, because I didn't want to deal with the nausea from the last treatment. Today, I added swimming to my gym routine in an effort to expend as much energy as possible. I'm tired! But, hopefully, I will get a good night's sleep.

In my memory...

I met a friend early last year who had the same diagnosis. We shared stories about our lives and our struggles with cancer. She was really upbeat and fun to be around, especially because she kept me sane and gave me comfort during tough times. When she stopped responding to my emails, I became worried. I reached out to her friend only to receive news of her passing. My heart sank. It was a desolate moment. I miss her so much. I miss her smile. I miss talking to her. I miss the support we gave each other. I think of her often.

A treatment going well initially can easily take a bad turn. We try different chemo treatments hoping that *this* treatment will be the one. I choke up thinking that my friend did not have to opportunity to find a treatment that would have kept the cancer at bay sooner.

In a way, it is a dismal reminder of how crucial lung cancer research is.

On a hopeful note, a "conspiracy to kill cancer":
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2139170,00.html

Love v. Cancer

It's been over a year since I've been diagnosed.  It would be nice if I was in remission or cancer free by now. I'm not, but I keep going. I attribute my strength to the love of my family and friends. I believe I am an incredibly lucky person in an unlucky situation. A friend in Japan sent me a picture of him wearing my personalized bracelet from the Lungevity walk. He told me "You never have to walk alone" and I never have. 

A poem that a good friend dedicated to me reminds me of that. The poem reads:

Sometimes nothing makes sense
It feels like the world can
Fall apart like building blocks
You lose your footing
You feel alone
But then you look down
And realize
Each block you stand on
Is someone who loves you
And that makes you stand up
Even taller

Cancer has not taken away my love.