Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is such a wonderful holiday with great company and a plethora of food. It's particularly poignant for me as I was diagnosed around this time 2 years ago. It's not quite an anniversary, but I'm so thankful for making it to another Thanksgiving.

Some weeks ago, I was apprehensive that this annual milestone was out of reach. At the time, I had episodes of numbing sensation in my hand and forearm. With each episode, I couldn't shake the feeling that this could be a nervous system issue; possibly mets in my brain again, or mets in my spine growing, or possibly getting seizures. I rushed to urgent care at midnight hoping to resolve this immediately. After hours of waiting, neurological tests, brain scans, and an uncomfortable spinal tap, nothing significant was found. I was eventually diagnosed with having sensory seizures from an unknown mass in my brain. Something to monitor, but nothing to worry about for the time being. Thankfully.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Reluctant soldier

I hate cancer. I hate how my life has been compromised by it. Everyday I have to deal with a slew of health problems. It's tiring. I'm tired of gritting my teeth and clenching my fists as pain randomly surges though my body. I'm tired of going into a fetal position whenever with my stomach churns angrily.  I'm tired of battling nausea.

 

In fact, my latest battle with nausea resulted in a sprained foot. As I violently vomited into the toilet while kneeling on the balls of my foot, I tore some foot ligament. So I've been moving around in crutches for a few weeks. My hands hurt; my armpits numbing; and my good foot is becoming a bad foot. My limited mobility is like a reflection of the limits of my life with cancer - what I cannot do; what I cannot have.
 

I'm tired of fighting. I want a break. If only I could rest on the sidelines and watch myself prevail without dealing out the punches and suffering the bruises. Unfortunately, it's an endless war where rest stops are nonexistent and there is no choice but to march on.

Should I be worried?

Recently, I have been experiencing much more discomfort, such as more nausea/vomiting, and muscle and bone pains. I've also felt tightness in my chest, which caused me to have shortness of breath. I panicked thinking it could be a heart attack and called the hospital. The doctor did not think this was heart related and instructed me to continue monitoring these symptoms.

These symptoms have also led me to get scans for a possible explanation. Perhaps the current treatment is not working, and I may need a new treatment. Hopefully this is not the case, as the current treatment is manageable. It would be nicer to think that these aches and pains were the result of the drugs beating cancer to death. But for now, I just have to wait for the scan results and hope for the best.

Update
Scans show that almost everything appears to be stable. Thank goodness! I definitely would like to know why I have these issues, but I'm happy knowing that everything is stable and I will stay the course for the current treatment.