I had a PET scan on New Years Eve. The following day I received a call from my oncologist. It's almost always a bad sign when a doctor calls, especially on a holiday. The cancer had progressed in my lungs, spine and lymph nodes. This is the fourth time a treatment has ceased to be effective for me, but the news still hits me hard. Maybe even more so the fourth time around as there feels like less treatment options available. Admittedly, this hopeless feeling is due to my ignorance of available treatments, but I can't shake the fear that my days are imminently numbered.
For now, as I wait to get a brain and spine MRI before determining the next chemo and radiation treatments, I wonder whether I have gotten the most out of life.
UPDATE:
Currently, I'm getting my spine radiated. Other than some soreness in my upper back, I'm dealing with the radiation fairly well.
Next Tues, after I finish the spine radiation therapy, I'll have Stereotactic Radiosurgery (SRS) for the tumor in my brain. The term surgery is a misnomer since SRS is really radiation beams directed at the tumor. It sounds simple, but learning about the procedure made me cringe. The day will start at 7am (early!). I'll be fitted with a (heavy?) metal halo looking object around my head with pins penetrating the skin to keep the halo in place. Sounds painful. I jokingly asked the nurse if I could put topical Lidocaine all over my forehead to help me deal with the pain better. She said probably not since the placement of the halo is unknown at the moment. With the halo on, I'll get CT and MRI brain scans used by the radiation team to map out the course of action. The wait for the final analysis and treatment will require some patience.
The radiation beams will target various points of the brain, which will most likely cause hair loss in those areas. After my first experience with hair loss, I have thinner hair and much more white hair. Even so, I don't want to loss what I have waited so long for. But the tumor is close to the ocular nerves, so further growth could affect my vision. Choosing between vision and hair is obvious, but hair loss is still hard to deal with. I can't do anything other than to suck it up and hope for better days ahead.
For now, as I wait to get a brain and spine MRI before determining the next chemo and radiation treatments, I wonder whether I have gotten the most out of life.
UPDATE:
Currently, I'm getting my spine radiated. Other than some soreness in my upper back, I'm dealing with the radiation fairly well.
Next Tues, after I finish the spine radiation therapy, I'll have Stereotactic Radiosurgery (SRS) for the tumor in my brain. The term surgery is a misnomer since SRS is really radiation beams directed at the tumor. It sounds simple, but learning about the procedure made me cringe. The day will start at 7am (early!). I'll be fitted with a (heavy?) metal halo looking object around my head with pins penetrating the skin to keep the halo in place. Sounds painful. I jokingly asked the nurse if I could put topical Lidocaine all over my forehead to help me deal with the pain better. She said probably not since the placement of the halo is unknown at the moment. With the halo on, I'll get CT and MRI brain scans used by the radiation team to map out the course of action. The wait for the final analysis and treatment will require some patience.
The radiation beams will target various points of the brain, which will most likely cause hair loss in those areas. After my first experience with hair loss, I have thinner hair and much more white hair. Even so, I don't want to loss what I have waited so long for. But the tumor is close to the ocular nerves, so further growth could affect my vision. Choosing between vision and hair is obvious, but hair loss is still hard to deal with. I can't do anything other than to suck it up and hope for better days ahead.
