Healthy Young Non-Smokers

"Why do healthy non-smokers get lung cancer?"

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/12/why-do-healthy-non-smokers-get-lung-cancer/281718/

The article mentions a three year study in Boston to find out what is different with younger lung cancer patients. I definitely would like to join if a study opens up near me. 

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is such a wonderful holiday with great company and a plethora of food. It's particularly poignant for me as I was diagnosed around this time 2 years ago. It's not quite an anniversary, but I'm so thankful for making it to another Thanksgiving.

Some weeks ago, I was apprehensive that this annual milestone was out of reach. At the time, I had episodes of numbing sensation in my hand and forearm. With each episode, I couldn't shake the feeling that this could be a nervous system issue; possibly mets in my brain again, or mets in my spine growing, or possibly getting seizures. I rushed to urgent care at midnight hoping to resolve this immediately. After hours of waiting, neurological tests, brain scans, and an uncomfortable spinal tap, nothing significant was found. I was eventually diagnosed with having sensory seizures from an unknown mass in my brain. Something to monitor, but nothing to worry about for the time being. Thankfully.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Reluctant soldier

I hate cancer. I hate how my life has been compromised by it. Everyday I have to deal with a slew of health problems. It's tiring. I'm tired of gritting my teeth and clenching my fists as pain randomly surges though my body. I'm tired of going into a fetal position whenever with my stomach churns angrily.  I'm tired of battling nausea.

 

In fact, my latest battle with nausea resulted in a sprained foot. As I violently vomited into the toilet while kneeling on the balls of my foot, I tore some foot ligament. So I've been moving around in crutches for a few weeks. My hands hurt; my armpits numbing; and my good foot is becoming a bad foot. My limited mobility is like a reflection of the limits of my life with cancer - what I cannot do; what I cannot have.
 

I'm tired of fighting. I want a break. If only I could rest on the sidelines and watch myself prevail without dealing out the punches and suffering the bruises. Unfortunately, it's an endless war where rest stops are nonexistent and there is no choice but to march on.

Should I be worried?

Recently, I have been experiencing much more discomfort, such as more nausea/vomiting, and muscle and bone pains. I've also felt tightness in my chest, which caused me to have shortness of breath. I panicked thinking it could be a heart attack and called the hospital. The doctor did not think this was heart related and instructed me to continue monitoring these symptoms.

These symptoms have also led me to get scans for a possible explanation. Perhaps the current treatment is not working, and I may need a new treatment. Hopefully this is not the case, as the current treatment is manageable. It would be nicer to think that these aches and pains were the result of the drugs beating cancer to death. But for now, I just have to wait for the scan results and hope for the best.

Update
Scans show that almost everything appears to be stable. Thank goodness! I definitely would like to know why I have these issues, but I'm happy knowing that everything is stable and I will stay the course for the current treatment.

My Dilemma

Tarceva didn't work for me. The only thing Tarceva did was give me reptile skin cover with pimples and an inflamed red nose. I started another treatment (alimta and avastin). I still have nausea, but it has been much kinder to me. As part of my treatment regimen, I take steroids the day before, the day of, and the day after treatment to keep my nausea mostly under control. Steroids also give me more energy to do things that would normally take a bit more effort. Unfortunately, all this energy keeps me up at night despite taking sleep aids.

So my dilemma is whether to take the steroids to keep the nausea at bay, or to forgo the steroids and deal with nausea everyday for over a week, but get good sleep. I flip back and forth for each treatment. I decided to take it this week, because I didn't want to deal with the nausea from the last treatment. Today, I added swimming to my gym routine in an effort to expend as much energy as possible. I'm tired! But, hopefully, I will get a good night's sleep.

In my memory...

I met a friend early last year who had the same diagnosis. We shared stories about our lives and our struggles with cancer. She was really upbeat and fun to be around, especially because she kept me sane and gave me comfort during tough times. When she stopped responding to my emails, I became worried. I reached out to her friend only to receive news of her passing. My heart sank. It was a desolate moment. I miss her so much. I miss her smile. I miss talking to her. I miss the support we gave each other. I think of her often.

A treatment going well initially can easily take a bad turn. We try different chemo treatments hoping that *this* treatment will be the one. I choke up thinking that my friend did not have to opportunity to find a treatment that would have kept the cancer at bay sooner.

In a way, it is a dismal reminder of how crucial lung cancer research is.

On a hopeful note, a "conspiracy to kill cancer":
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2139170,00.html

Love v. Cancer

It's been over a year since I've been diagnosed.  It would be nice if I was in remission or cancer free by now. I'm not, but I keep going. I attribute my strength to the love of my family and friends. I believe I am an incredibly lucky person in an unlucky situation. A friend in Japan sent me a picture of him wearing my personalized bracelet from the Lungevity walk. He told me "You never have to walk alone" and I never have. 

A poem that a good friend dedicated to me reminds me of that. The poem reads:

Sometimes nothing makes sense
It feels like the world can
Fall apart like building blocks
You lose your footing
You feel alone
But then you look down
And realize
Each block you stand on
Is someone who loves you
And that makes you stand up
Even taller

Cancer has not taken away my love.